


Road Trip Shenanigans

by Kokorokirei



Series: June Pride Oneshots 20Gayteen [5]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: 12 year old fareeha is hella thirsty for angela, Angela and Jesse have the worst sibling rivarly, EVERYONE IS GAY AF, Early Overwatch, F/F, Group chat, Jesse is a bad influence, Language: Profanity, Later chapters will reveal why this has an M rating, M/M, Texting, These kids would rather text than talk face to face, Will Include Later Overwatch, cursing, disneyland au, shits and giggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-20 18:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14899511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokorokirei/pseuds/Kokorokirei
Summary: Trips to Disneyland never goes well. Road trips never go well. Vacations never go well. Here are the texts to prove it.





	1. Spank The Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> The first part will have the Early Overwatch dynamics. Young Jesse, young Angela, young emo Genji, young Hanzo, and kid Fareeha, along with implied Ana, Jack, and Gabe as the ‘parents’. More might appear. 
> 
> The second part will have the Later Overwatch dynamics. Hana, Lúcio, Lena, etc, with Fareeha and Angela as the ‘parents’. 
> 
> As with shipping, obviously Fareeha and Angela aren’t a thing in the first part because they are too young but it’s fun to write a young swooning Fareeha. Hanzo and Jesse are going to be more explored. In this setting, Hanzo is in Overwatch and fights with his brother. Don’t question the authenticity of the canon, it is just fiction.
> 
> I understand if these types of stories aren’t your thing so I will see you in my more ‘defined’ stories.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

**Jesse created group chat.**

 

**Jesse adds Fareeha and Angela to the group chat.**

 

**Jesse names the group chat “Team Cool Kids”**

 

**Jesse:** Perfect.

 

**Fareeha:** Yay! My first group chat!

 

**Angela:** I really can’t believe Ana gave you a phone.

 

**Jesse:** It’s about time, tbh

 

**Angela:** Jesse, she’s 12…

 

**Fareeha:** Old enough! 

 

**Angela:** I think she should have waited until you were older

 

**Fareeha:** You’re 17 and you have a phone

 

**Angela:** Bc I have a job

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, Reeha. You’re just spoiled lol

 

**Fareeha:** buttface

 

**Jesse:** tiny squirt 

 

**Fareeha:** booger breath!

 

**Jesse:** little shit

 

**Angela:** we are all in the same car, don’t start fighting on this

 

**Jesse:** ana is driving so we can mess around on here

 

**Fareeha:** what mom can’t see, won’t hurt her

 

**Jesse:** I taught you well ;)

 

**Angela:** shouldn’t we add genji and Hanzo?

 

**Jesse:** they didn’t want to go in our car so they aren’t cool enough to join the chat

 

**Fareeha:** yeah they suck

 

**Angela:** Fareeha don’t say that. Hanzo and Genji are already on bad speaking terms

 

**Fareeha:** then Hanzo shouldn’t have tried to kill his brother

 

**Jesse:** she has a point

 

**Angela:** it’s much more complicated than that, fareeha

 

**Jesse:** at least they are willing to go in the same car, that’s a start

 

**Fareeha:** you could’ve gone with them

 

**Jesse:** awww, you don’t want me to interrupt your special time with the doctor?

 

**Fareeha:** noooo, you weirdo 

**Fareeha:** I just don’t wanna be stuck in this car with your stinky farts

 

**Jesse:** That was one time. That burrito was not sitting right in my stomach.

 

**Angela:** Jesse, i swear to god, you better hold it in

 

**Jesse:** I had a nice salad this morning, thank you very much. I am as clean as a whistle

 

**Angela:** huh, I guess you dating Hanzo is doing some good for yah

 

**Jesse:** we aren’t dating

 

**Fareeha:** suuureee

 

**Jesse:** we aren’t!

 

**Fareeha:** Jesse and Hanzo sitting in the tree

**Fareeha:** k i s s i n g

**Fareeha:** first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Jesse with a baby carriage 

 

**Jesse:** You asked for it!

 

**Angela** : JESSE WHY?

**Angela:** IT IS BURNING MY EYES!

**Angela:** JESSE

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** Fareeha you will never provoke Jesse when we have no escape 

 

**Fareeha:** sowwy

 

**Jesse:** you deserve it you little shit

 

**Fareeha:** fuck you

 

**Jesse:** fuck you too

 

**Angela:** stop it, you two. Or else I’ll show Ana my phone

 

**Fareeha:** he started it with his gassy butt

 

**Jesse:** you’re the last person to make fun of me about love when you have a crush on Angela

**Jesse:** not that I’m admitting to dating Hanzo

 

**Fareeha:** why do you have to say that on chat….?

 

**Angela:** Fareeha, you are very obvious, i will say that

 

**Fareeha:** so will you be my gf??

 

**Angela:** no

 

**Fareeha:** aww why?

 

**Angela:** you are way too young to be dating.

 

**Fareeha:** what if I ask you out when I’m 18, will you be my gf?

 

**Angela:** no

 

**Jesse:** damn, Angela. No chill

**Jesse:** she’s only like 12

 

**Angela:** she’ll get over it

 

**Jesse:** she’s pouting back here and she keeps kicking me.

 

**Angela:** she’ll be fine, Jesse

 

**Jesse:** you’re a cold woman

 

**Angela:** Jesse, she’s 12. 

 

**Jesse:** could have let her down easy

**Jesse:** a young heart is fragile

 

**Fareeha:** if i ask you again in 20 years, you’ll be my gf

 

**Angela:** see, she’s fine. She bounced back up

 

**Jesse:** yeah but cockier 

 

**Fareeha:** just wait, I’ll be big and swoll

 

**Jesse:** swoll? You gonna get big muscles on those chopsticks?

 

**Fareeha:** bigger than yours

 

**Angela:** anyone can be more swoll than Jesse

 

**Jesse:** rude

 

**Fareeha:** just wait Angie. I’ll be worth the wait. I’ll be better than Moira

 

**Angela:** okay leave naruto lady out of this

**Angela:** she has...issues 

 

**Jesse:** Angela and Moira up in a tree. K i s s i n g

**Jesse: …**

**Jesse:** Fareeha finish it

 

**Fareeha:** no…

 

**Angela:** yeah don’t finish it, fareeha.

 

**Jesse:** you guys are no fun

 

**Fareeha:** then you should have hopped into Genji and Hanzo’s car.

 

**Jesse:** don’t you dare

 

**Fareeha:** Jesse and Hanzo sitting in a tree

 

**Jesse:** I got more!

 

**Angela:** JESSSEEE WHY

**Angela:** JESSE WHAT DID YOU EAT?

**Angela:** FAREEHA STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

 

XXX

 

**Fareeha:** Mom is scary

 

**Angela:** i would be too if Jesse was stinking up the car

 

**Fareeha:** did she just smack him with her shoe?

 

**Angela:** no that’s his hat

 

**Fareeha:** i didn’t even see her take it off

 

**Angela:** she’s fast

 

**Fareeha:** Angie?

 

**Angela:** yes?

 

**Fareeha:** I’ll make you swoon for me in 20 years

 

**Angela:** whatever you say kid

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** how’s your tush?

 

**Jesse:** shut up

 

**Fareeha:** even I don’t get butt spanks when I’m bad

 

**Angela:** bc you don’t use your butt as a weapon

 

**Jesse:** just shut up

 

**Fareeha:** stop kicking me

 

**Jesse:** I’m making room for my legs, squirt

 

**Fareeha:** stooooop

 

**Angela:** Jesse, I don’t want your feet up here

 

**Jesse:** deal with it

 

**Fareeha:** I’m not sharing my dole whip with you when we get to Disneyland

 

**Jesse:** no wait share with me

**Jesse:** okay my feet are down

 

**Angela:** don’t shove your feet on my door side 

 

**Jesse:** deal with it

 

**Angela added Genji and Hanzo to “Team Cool Kids”**

 

**Jesse:** damn it

 

**Genji:** you guys had a group chat and didn’t add us?

 

**Angela:** Jesse farted up the car and Ana spanked him

 

**Hanzo:** that explains why you guys are behind us on the navigator

 

**Fareeha:** hi genji! Hi Hanzo

 

**Genji:** hello little one

 

**Hanzo:** hello fareeha

 

**Fareeha:** what rides do you want to go on when we get to Disneyland?

 

**Genji:** the one that doesn’t have Hanzo next to me

 

**Hanzo:** i dont even want to be next to you at Disneyland 

 

**Genji:** good. Stay as far as u can from me

 

**Hanzo:** god u are an annoying twit

 

**Genji:** if im so annoying, why did you join this car?

 

**Hanzo:** there’s no room in the other car.

 

**Genji:** sit on Jesse’s lap

 

**Hanzo:** no 

 

**Genji:** why are you even coming?

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse asked me and i said yes

 

**Genji:** then why are you in this car?!

 

**Hanzo:** shut up you emo robot 

 

**Genji:** you don’t make sense

 

**Fareeha:** genji, we should ride tower of terror!

 

**Genji:** sure, Hanzo hates being dropped

 

**Hanzo:** you were dropped as a child

 

**Genji:** and I’m still here bitch

 

**Hanzo:** don’t curse in front of fareeha

 

**Genji:** i was cursing up a storm when i was her age

 

**Fareeha:** hows uncle jack and uncle Gabe?

 

**Hanzo:** being gay

 

**Fareeha:** sounds like them

**Fareeha:** Hanzo, do you like disney princess?

 

**Hanzo:** i like Mulan

 

**Fareeha:** are you going to take a picture with her?

 

**Hanzo:** maybe

 

**Genji:** what will that do? Bring honor to us all?

 

**Hanzo:** stfu genji

 

**Fareeha:** i like sleeping beauty bc she reminds me of Angela

 

**Genji:** you really like Angela, huh?

 

**Fareeha:** yeah, that’s why i wanted her to be in the same car as me

 

**Genji:** makes sense, of course you would want to be in the same car as someone you enjoy being with.

**Genji:** so why are you in this car with me, Hanzo?

 

**Hanzo:** fareeha, why did your car stop again?

 

**Fareeha:** Angela and Jesse were fighting and they got pretty physical.

**Fareeha:** mom stopped the car and dragged them out

**Fareeha:** she’s spanking them right now

 

**Genji:** what?

 

**Hanzo:** they are being...spanked?

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** Fareeha, why does your mom condone spanking children?

 

**Fareeha:** you’re 17

 

**Angela:** Yeah, that doesn’t mean that I should get spanked!

 

**Fareeha:** mom doesn’t spank children, she says she only spanks idiots bc if they act like one, then they get treated like one

 

**Jesse:** your mom can suck a dick

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse, that is rude

 

**Jesse:** i am sure my ass is bleeding, Hanzo.  She can suck ten dicks for all i care

 

**Angela:** i will never spank my children

 

**Genji:** did you not hear fareeha, she says ana spanks idiots, not children. 

 

**Angela:** are you insinuating that im an idiot? Me? A 17 year old girl with a PH fucking D?

 

**Genji:** never said it, just implied

 

**Angela:** god you’re such a douche

**Angela:** I will send Mickey Mouse on your ass

 

**Jesse:** bruh can genji go on those water rides? Will the water freeze him up and shut him down?

 

**Angela:** we can try

  
**Hanzo:** please do


	2. Basic Bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesse and Angela have the worst sibling relationship, fight me.
> 
> They at the hotel already.

**Fareeha changed the group chat to “Girl Power, Fuck You Jesse”**

 

**Jesse:** Come on! I wanna have Starbucks too!

 

**Fareeha:** you can’t have any!

 

**Angela:** girls only

 

**Jesse:** Hanzo is with you guys

 

**Hanzo:** i let them play with my hair

 

**Jesse:** I need caffeine toooo

 

**Angela:** no, you’ll stink up the rides 

 

**Jesse:** Okay no i won’t.

**Jesse:** Come on, Fareeha, I need caffeine so we can last through the whole day.

 

**Fareeha:** it doesn’t matter anyways. We all have pumpkin spice lattes 

 

**Jesse:** ugh really?

 

**Angela:** they are good

 

**Hanzo:** they are strangely addicting…

 

**Jesse:** Angela, you’re such a basic white girl

 

**Angela:** i mean, you’re not wrong.

 

**Hanzo:** have you never tried one, Jesse?

 

**Jesse:** no, and I don’t wanna try one

 

**Hanzo:** then what do you want?

 

**Jesse:** a white chocolate mocha

 

**Angela:** you’re more basic than me

 

**Jesse:** shut up Angela

 

**Hanzo:** would you like me to come with you to get one?

 

**Jesse:** aww really? Okay.

 

**Angela:** gaaaaaayyy

 

**Jesse:** so are you.

 

**Fareeha:** I thought she was American 

 

**Angela:** omg Fareeha, don’t pull a vine out of nowhere

 

**Jesse:** this bitch empty, yeeeet

 

**Angela:** what the fuck did you just break?

 

XXX

 

**Angela changed the group chat to “No more Vines”**

 

**Jesse:** it was funny and fareeha laughed at that vine joke

 

**Angela:** you threw the condo lamp at the door! 

**Angela:** it scared me so much that I spilled my pumpkin spice latte all over Fareeha. 

**Angela:** you better buy me two venti pumpkin spice latte for both of us

 

**Fareeha:** it was worth it, tbh

 

**Angela:** don’t encourage him

 

**Hanzo:** don’t worry, Angela. I’ll make sure he doesn’t act up.

 

**Genji:** WAS THAT WHAT YOU GUYS WERE DOING AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING?

 

**Fareeha:** good morning Genji.

 

**Genji:** morning fareeha

**Genji:** BUT WHY SO EARLY. YOU GUYS MAKE SO MUCH NOISE

 

**Angela:** We’re getting ready for Disneyland, duh

 

**Fareeha:** they open at 8 am

 

**Genji:** why?

 

**Fareeha:** bc it’s Disneyland 

 

**Angela:** we gotta spend every hour there

 

**Genji:** WHY?

 

**Angela:** you are no fun, Genji

 

**Genji:** excuse me that I don’t wanna wake up this early

 

**Angela:** would you like a pumpkin spice latte to wake you up, grouchy ass?

 

**Genji:** fine…

 

**Angela:** got that you two?

 

**Jesse:** yeah yeah. Another for the emo kid

 

**Hanzo:** just pour hot water on him, he’ll be fine

 

**Genji:** fuck you hanzo

 

**Fareeha:** my mom wants a grande americano 

 

**Jesse:** does jack and gabe want any?

 

**Fareeha:** I don’t really want to knock and ask...

 

**Angela:** yeah don’t bother them, Fareeha

**Angela:** just get them some kind of coffee

 

**Jesse:** so gay

 

**Angela:** so are you, smartass

 

**Jesse:** you are too

 

**Angela:** im not gay, im a lesbian you lesbophobic 

 

XXX

 

**Angela renamed the group chat to “Stop Smoking, Jesse”**

 

**Jesse:** don’t tell me what to do

 

**Angela:** your smoke is blowing onto my balcony

 

**Jesse:** then move your balcony

 

**Angela:** move your fat ass inside

 

**Jesse:** thank you, my ass is fat~

 

**Angela:** Hanzo, do something about your boyfriend 

 

**Hanzo:** he isn’t my boyfriend

**Hanzo:** I have some nice candles if you want some

**Hanzo:** they are cherry blossom

 

**Angela:** I’ll take it

 

**Fareeha:** mom wants to have a big breakfast together so we will be at Disney in the early afternoon

 

**Jesse:** where are we eating?

 

**Fareeha:** the Cheesecake Factory 

 

**Genji:** we’re eating cheesecake for breakfast?

 

**Hanzo:** it’s more like brunch/ lunch at this point

 

**Genji:** no one asked your opinion 

 

**Hanzo:** wasn’t talking to you

 

**Angela:** Jesse, stop flinging your ashes on my balcony!!!

**Angela:** you got it in my hair!

 

**Jesse:** lolz

 

XXX

 

**Fareeha renamed the group chat as “Smoking is bad for your health”**

 

**Angela:** Stop it Jesse

 

**Jesse:** no

 

**Angela:** how old are you? Five? Let me eat in peace.

 

**Jesse:** you’re on my side of my space

 

**Angela:** get your fucking feet off of my side

 

**Jesse:** i have long legs, can’t help it

 

**Angela:** stop kicking me!

 

**Hanzo:** wtf genji

 

**Genji:** what?

 

**Hanzo:** you kicked me

 

**Genji:** you have no proof

 

**Angela:** WTF JESSE

 

**Jesse:** shit, sorry Fareeha!

 

**Angela:** You fucking launched her out of her seat with that kick!!

 

**Jesse:** I missed! I’m sorry

 

**Fareeha:** I’m okay.

**Fareeha:** I think.

 

**Hanzo:** oh wow, ana is strong

 

**Genji:** she’s not going to tear Jesse’s ear off, will she?

 

**Angela:** I’m not regrowing a new pair for that idiot 

 

**Fareeha:** where’s jack and gabe?

 

**Genji:** Don’t ask

 

**Angela:** they are like two dogs in a heat

 

**Fareeha:** what does that mean?

 

**Angela:** nevermind, fareeha. You’re too young

 

**Fareeha:** im 12

 

**Angela:** just eat your chicken tenders 

 

**Hanzo:** Genji! I know that was you

 

**Genji:** I just wanted to stretch my damn legs, chill

 

**Hanzo:** that was on purpose

 

**Genji:** that one was

 

**Fareeha:** stop it, you’re going to make me drop my croissant

 

**Angela:** you aren’t eating a croissant

 

**Fareeha:** Jesse would have gotten my joke

 

**Hanzo:** oh i just got it. 

**Hanzo:** that was funny fareeha

 

**Genji:** yo Jesse, u alright?

 

**Jesse:** yeah, no biggie

**Jesse:** aw man, fareeha did i miss that one. That’s hella funny

 

**Angela:** hella?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, hella funny

 

**Angela:** oh god, you’re turning into a Californian 

 

**Jesse:** ameriicaaaa fuck yeah

 

**Fareeha:** okay who kicked the table that time?

 

**Angela:** sorry...i got triggered, saw a bug on my leg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you grimlockprime for adding and supporting my fuckery~
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Disneyland Fuck Yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They at Disneyland. Shit going down.

**Angela:** we have been in Disneyland for five minutes and we already lost Fareeha and Jesse

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse grabbed Fareeha and ran towards the left

 

**Angela:** where?

 

**Hanzo:** idk i didn’t ask

 

**Genji:** i think Jesse said something about haunted mansion 

 

**Angela:** oh no

**Angela:** wait, where’s ana?

 

**Genji:** she said something about toontown

 

**Hanzo:** she literally ran away so fast...

 

**Angela:** she’s just letting Jesse take Fareeha???

 

**Genji:** what’s the worst that could happen?

 

**Hanzo:** I just heard some crying kid saying that a cowboy man knocked him over

 

**Angela:** Jesse, check your damn phone and chill

**Angela:** Jesse!

**Angela:** Jesse!!!

**Angela:** Jesse I see you! Stop!

 

**Hanzo:** and they are on the ride…

 

**Genji:** wow. Angela flew over the entire crowd in one jump

**Genji:** oh she is down for the count.

**Genji:** is that blood on her nose?

**Genji:** *posted photo*

**Genji:** *posted photo*

**Genji:** *posted photo*

 

**Hanzo:** stop taking pictures of angela and help her!

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** wtf Angela?

**Jesse:** omg the photos has me crying!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** you okay?

 

**Angela:** fuck you jesse

 

**Jesse:** you’re the one who fucking flew over the line

 

**Angela:** to stop you!!

 

**Jesse:** why??

 

**Angela:** Fareeha is too young for that kind of ride!

 

**Fareeha:** it’s not scary at all

 

**Hanzo:** why is there a wet spot on your jeans? You sure you weren’t scared?

 

**Angela:** jesse, Fareeha is staying with me before you scar her

 

**Jesse:** naw, Angie. No way. It’s more fun with just fareeha and I

 

**Angela:** don’t fucking fight me

 

**Fareeha:** you’re pretty when you’re angry

 

**Angela:** fareeha, lets go look for princesses 

 

**Hanzo:** can we find mulan??

 

**Genji:** mulan sucks

 

**Hanzo:** you don’t need to come with me

 

**Genji:** i don’t wanna come with you

 

**Angela:** then why are you following us? Go on a ride with jesse

 

**Jesse:** genji, lets go on splash mountain

 

**Genji:** no…

 

**Fareeha:** Jesse, there’s Woody on your right!

 

**Jesse:** ew

 

**Angela:** makes a better cowboy than you

 

**Jesse: …**

 

**Hanzo:** i think you make a fine cowboy

 

**Jesse:** aw thanks 

 

**Genji:** ew

 

**Hanzo:** stop following us, we are looking for mulan

 

**Genji:** im not following, im just going in the same direction 

 

**Fareeha:** you can just say you wanna come see mulan with us

 

**Genji:** i don’t wanna see mulan

 

**Hanzo:** then go find buzz lightyear or something, leave us alone

 

**Angela** : go find Darth Vader, he's a cyborg like you

 

**Genji:** fuck off angela

 

**Jesse:** genji do you wanna see mulan with me?

 

**Genji:** maybe 

 

**Fareeha:** found her!

 

**Jesse:** wow, never seen genji run so fast

 

**Angela:** Hanzo might beat him

**Angela:** oh no

**Angela:** jesse, stop them

 

**Fareeha:** i think we should walk away...

 

XXX

 

**Jesse renamed the group chat as “Angela, bail us out!”**

 

**Angela:** how’s the three musketeers?

 

**Hanzo:** genji started it

 

**Genji:** i was there first!!

 

**Hanzo:** you tripped me up!

 

**Genji:** she wanted to see me first!

 

**Hanzo:** you trampled like three girls!

 

**Genji:** they have no honor!!

 

**Hanzo:** you and you’re fucking honor!

 

**Genji:** you’re the one to talk!

 

**Jesse:** stop bitching on this chat and actually talk to each other. You guys are sitting right next to each other

 

**Angela:** so Fareeha and I found some other princesses.

**Angela:** we found aurora

**Angela:** dumb blonde

 

**Fareeha:** ?

 

**Angela:** she totally was flirting with you. That’s inappropriate

 

**Fareeha:** she just gave me a hug…

 

**Angela:** sure she was

 

**Jesse:** are you jealous of a disney princess being prettier than you?

 

**Angela:** no she’s ugly

**Angela:** I would make a prettier sleeping beauty than her

 

**Jesse:** sure...

 

**Fareeha:** i think you are prettier than her

 

**Angela:** good bc she wasn’t that amazing

 

**Jesse:** aw, you’re so protective of Fareeha

 

**Angela:** at least I don’t fucking kick her out of her chair

 

**Jesse:** you spilled pumpkin spice latte on her

 

**Angela:** you threw a fucking lamp at my door

**Angela:** there has to be at least one reasonable adult in this group

 

**Fareeha:** you’re 17

 

**Angela:** run along and go find Elsa, you little smart ass

 

**Genji** : Angela and fareeha sitting in a tree

**Genji** : Join me Mccree! 

**Genji** : k

 

**Jesse:** I

 

**Genji:** s

 

**Jesse:** s

 

**Genji** : I

 

**Jesse** :n

 

**Genji:** g

 

**Jesse:** first comes love

 

**Genji:** then comes marriage 

 

**Angela:** SHE IS 12 for fuck sake!

 

**Jesse:** Genji, i bet my left arm that Angela will fall for Fareeha in 20 years

 

**Genji:** i will screenshot this to make sure you hold true to it

 

**Angela:** Genji, go have a nice heart to heart chat with Hanzo

 

**Hanzo:** no

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** you fucked up angela

 

**Hanzo:** i don’t see her in my area

 

**Genji:** nor here.

 

**Angela:** OMG HOW COULD I LOSE HER?

 

**Jesse:** Angela fucked up! Angela fucked up!

 

**Angela** : I'm gonna fuck you up after we find Fareeha!

 

**Hanzo:** the last thing you told Fareeha was to find Elsa

 

**Angela:** i didn’t think she would disappear out of thin air

**Angela:** Fareeha please answer your phone!

**Angela:** Fareeha please!

**Angela:** I don’t want ana to wring my ear

 

**Genji:** it’s been like fifteen minutes, Angela, just chill

 

**Angela:** SHE COULD BE KIDNAPPED

 

**Jesse:** i found Anna

 

**Angela:** omg is Elsa near??

 

**Jesse:** she said no. Elsa doesn’t come out for another ten minutes 

 

**Angela:** ugh she is no help

**Angela:** fareeha answer the phone!!!

 

**Hanzo:** I found jasmine

 

**Angela:** is she there??

 

**Hanzo:** no

 

**Angela:** you’re not helping…

 

**Genji:** omg

 

**Angela:** what??

 

**Genji:** I found Shang!

 

**Angela:** and???????

 

**Genji:** he looks amaaaazing

 

**Angela:** NO ONE IS HELPING!!!!

**Angela:** why is there a hoard of princesses in one place?

**Angela:** oh shit

**Angela:** um

**Angela:** wtf

**Angela:** Someone save me!!!

 

**Jesse:** what’s going on?

 

**Genji:** Angela?

 

**Hanzo:** i found her

 

**Jesse:** Fareeha?

 

**Hanzo:** no, angela.

 

**Genji:** what?

 

**Hanzo:** she’s being carried and dragged by a bunch of Disney princesses 

**Hanzo:** oh she’s calling for me

**Hanzo:** be right back

 

**Jesse:** you know, i would think it would be Angela’s dream to be dragged off by disney princesses

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** yo so what happen?

**Jesse:** genji and i are riding the its a small world ride right now

**Jesse:** you guys alright?

 

**Hanzo:** we are fine. Idk about Angela

 

**Fareeha:** she has a big smile on her face

 

**Jesse:** so...what happen?

 

**Fareeha:** Angela got to play as Elsa

 

**Genji:** what?

 

**Hanzo:** it was beautiful really

 

**Jesse:** she played Elsa?

 

**Fareeha:** yeah. The other woman got sick and needed someone else to play her part so I suggested Angela.

 

**Jesse:** how...did you meet Elsa prior to her appearance?

 

**Fareeha:** don’t question it

 

**Jesse:** i don’t know what you did but i support you, my little protege 

 

**Genji:** so...she’s fine?

 

**Fareeha:** more than fine.

 

**Hanzo:** Angela really stepped up

 

**Fareeha:** i thought she could do it

 

**Jesse:** so what was the deal with the Disney princesses grabbing her

 

**Fareeha:** ?

 

**Jesse:** that’s what Hanzo said

 

**Hanzo:** anyone would be a bit freaked out if a hoard of beautiful women tried to grab you.

 

**Angela:** let it gooooooo let it goooooo

 

**Fareeha:** she might need to rest before we meet up

 

**Hanzo:** kinda wish i could fill in for mulan

 

**Genji:** i would be a better mulan

 

**Hanzo:** fuck you, you said mulan sucks

 

**Genji:** only when you like her, she sucks

 

**Jesse** : Genji is a cyborg, he can't do shit anyways 

**Jesse** : it's a miracle they even let him in the park

 

**Genji:** i will push you off of this ride you cowboy wanna be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this? What’s this? Fuckery in the air~ What’s this? What’s this? Fuckery everywhere~ (Did anyone get the song reference?)
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think by 
> 
> Kudo 
> 
> Comment
> 
> Subscribe if you wanna get quick updates.
> 
> See you in the next chapter, bye! Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	4. Pancakes

**Genji renamed the group chat as “Jesse and Hanzo, please stop being gay and report back to the group”**

 

**Fareeha:** oh leave them alone, Jesse was so happy that Hanzo came along

 

**Genji:** uuuuuugh

 

**Angela:** why do you have to be such a grumpy puss at the wrong time???

 

**Genji:** im tired. I wanna go back to the hotel

**Genji:** where are you two

 

**Fareeha:** watching the fireworks together <3

 

**Angela:** looking for you, genji

**Angela:** fareeha…

 

**Fareeha:** yeah looking for you, genji

 

**Genji:** im near the entrance 

 

**Angela:** k, just stay there while we look for Jesse and Hanzo

 

**Genji:** fiiiiiiiine

 

**Angela:** or you can help us you little shit

 

**Fareeha** : yeah fucking help us you cyborg fuck 

 

**Angela:** watch your language

 

**Fareeha:** oh sorry

**Fareeha** : help us you cyborg fuck 

 

**Angela:** Fareeha!

 

**Fareeha:** jesse, angela is turning into mom mode

 

**Genji:** he won’t see it. Just call them

 

**Angela:** you call hanzo and ill call jesse

 

**Genji:** no, i don’t wanna call my brother 

 

**Angela:** fine you little piece of scrap metal. I’ll fucking call them

 

**Fareeha:** language

 

**Angela:** I’m 17, I can curse as much as i want

 

**Fareeha:** angela is sassy when she’s tired…

 

**Genji** : you find it hot

 

**Fareeha** : I do...

 

**Angela:** Fareeha…….stop it, you’re 12

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** that was a really hot session, hanzo darling. That tongue is amazing. Wow.

 

**Hanzo:** you’re on the group chat and you’re right next to me...

 

**Jesse:** shit shit shit

 

**Fareeha:** it’s okay, we support your man love

 

**Angela:** meh….

 

**Genji:** fucking finally, where are you guys??

 

**Angela:** you know you could’ve just gone ahead back to the hotel by yourself??

 

**Hanzo** : he's probably too scared to go alone

**Hanzo:** little wimp fucker

 

**Genji:** i just want to be a gentleman and stay with the ladies to make sure they are safe, huh? Is that okay with you, dumb shit?

 

**Angela:** all you did was whine while we watch the fireworks. Stfu genji. Stop lying 

 

**Fareeha:** i am perfectly able to watch over Angela by myself

 

**Angela:** im fine, thanks. I can take care of myself

 

**Genji** : oh so the princess thing earlier was completely under control? 

 

**Angela:** hanzo, jesse, where are you two???

 

**Jesse:** we’re already out

 

**Angela:** thanks for telling us… it’s not like we have been waiting in the center for 20 mins

 

**Fareeha:** hey, where do you think my mom is at? Do you think she’s fine?

 

**Genji:** yeah...come to think of it, we haven’t seen her since we separated 

 

**Jesse:** nor have we seen jack and gabe

 

**Hanzo:** i don’t wanna know where they are at…

 

**Angela:** ana isn’t picking up her phone. I'll text her

 

**Genji** : OMG THEY ABANDONED US

 

**Jesse:** chill genji. Gabe and jack are prolly back in the hotel

 

**Hanzo:** i think i found Ana...

 

**Angela:** where is she?

 

**Hanzo:** she is having a tea party with someone dressed as The Mad Hatter… 

**Hanzo:** I can't believe she didn't invite me...

 

**Genji:** who would, you cowboy fucker

 

**Hanzo:** i'm not a cowboy…

 

**Genji:** your fucking one

 

**Fareeha:** TMI TMI TMI

 

**Angela:** just grab Ana and let's go back to the hotel

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** hey, is anyone up?

 

**Angela:** it’s 3 in the fucking morning…

 

**Jesse:** oh hey, you’re up

 

**Angela:** I am now

**Angela:** what do you want?

 

**Jesse:** I’m hungry, wanna go find some food?

 

**Angela:** where in the fuck are you thinking of getting food?

**Angela** : at 3 in the morning no less?

 

**Jesse:** two words

**Jesse:** IHOP Pancakes

 

**Angela:** are you fucking kidding me?

 

**Jesse:** you in or out?

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela** : I can't…

**Angela** : I'm spooning fareeha

 

**Jesse:** take her along

 

**Angela:** she is sleeping

 

**Jesse:** wait, i thought she was sleeping in Ana’s room?

 

**Angela:** she crawled into my bed and said she slept better when I’m around

 

**Jesse:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) how awfully nice of you to let her cuddle with you

 

**Angela:** she is 12!!! U little shit

 

**Jesse:** i am sure youll fall for her in 20 years. 

 

**Angela:** i bet you’re doing more than cuddling with Hanzo with all the noise you two make

 

**Jesse:** we just cuddling But i want pancakes now

 

**Angela:** are you going to keep bugging me until I come with you?

 

**Jesse:** yeah

**Jesse:** does Fareeha snore?

 

**Angela:** no why?

 

**Jesse:** just curious 

 

**Angela:** I’m just going to stop texting back and ignore you

 

**Jesse:** not unless i keep at it

**Jesse:** okie?

**Jesse:** I really want strawberries on mine

**Jesse:** oh and whipped cream too

**Jesse:** hanzo has never had a pancake.

**Jesse:** maybe i should get some for him

**Jesse:** ooo does Fareeha like walnuts and berries?

**Jesse:** we should get her some

**Jesse:** angela, we have to get fareeha some pancakes now

**Jesse:** at least for breakfast or something

**Jesse:** we should go nooooow

**Jesse:** im already getting up

**Jesse:** let me grab a jacket and ill be at your door.

**Jesse:** wakey wakey im here

**Jesse:** aaaaaangeeeelllllaaaaa

**Jesse:** annnnnnnnnggggggggggeeeeeeeelllllllllllaaaaaa

**Jesse:** angiiiiiie

**Jesse:** think how happy fareeha will be

**Jesse:** i am the best brother figure she has

**Jesse:** annngelalalalallalalalalla

 

**Genji:** ANGELA WAKE THE FUCK UP

**Genji:** PLEASE JUST WAKE YOUR ASS UP AND GO GET FUCKING PANCAKES WITH THAT COWBOY MOTHER FUCKER

 

**Fareeha:** ill go to save you the trouble 

 

**Angela:** fine…

**Angela** : can't believe you woke fareeha up…

 

**Fareeha:** i really want pancakes now

 

**Hanzo:** can i come too?

 

**Genji:** im hungry now...im coming too

 

**Jesse:** yippeeee!

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** Jesse...where did you take fareeha?

**Angela:** jesse, it is five in the morning

**Angela:** jesse please

**Angela:** where are you??

 

**Jesse:** *texts photo*

**Jesse:** we made a friend

 

**Hanzo:** is that?

 

**Genji:** is that a man in Snow White outfit?

 

**Jesse:** he wanted pancakes 

 

**Angela:** come back!

**Angela:** jesse!!

 

**Fareeha:** he’s drunk

 

**Angela:** i can see that!

 

**Fareeha:** not jesse though

 

**Angela:** drag his damn ass back here!!!

 

**Jesse: *** texts photo*

**Jesse:** we already in dah lobby

 

**Genji:** wait, is that ana behind you?

 

**Hanzo:** oh shit

 

**Angela:** fuck we are screwed

 

**Fareeha:** mom is dragging jesse’s ass back

 

**Genji:** our asses are next 

 

**Angela:** fuck

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** How is everyone on this lovely morning?

 

**Angela:** my butt cheeks hurt so much you piece of shit

 

**Genji** : if ana keeps it up someone is going to like getting spanked 

 

**Angela** : genji wtf

 

**Genji** : I was referring to you…

 

**Angela:** bitch, do not get injured anytime soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want pancakes now....thank you for reading this fuckery. Let me know what yah think


	5. Don’t move...Jesse

**Jesse renamed the group chat as “Pancake Squad”**

 

**Jesse:** this has been a great trip

 

**Angela:** as much as i hate that your fucking foot is jammed on my door side

**Angela:** i agree

 

**Hanzo:** it really has been

**Hanzo:** thank you for inviting me, Jesse

 

**Jesse:** thank you for dealing with my bullshit

 

**Genji:** if we were in the same car. I would smack you for being so cheesy

**Genji:** but i did have fun too, thank you

 

**Angela:** wow, we taught genji to have fun

 

**Genji:** ha...ha...ha

 

**Jesse:** we should totally go to universal studio next time

**Jesse:** i wanna go on the Jurassic park ride

 

**Angela:** i need a year of therapy and detoxification from you before i go on another vacation with you

 

**Jesse:** i take that as a yes

 

**Hanzo:** perhaps we should do this again soon

 

**Angela:** i would love to do this again soon without jesse

 

**Genji:** agreed

 

**Angela:** oh? You don’t mind your brother as much?

 

**Genji:** meh, he is my brother and he tolerated me this entire trip. I gave him shit and he pushed through it. I respect that

 

**Angela:** ...is that the nicest thing you have ever said about Hanzo?

 

**Hanzo:** im touched, genji

 

**Genji:** okay stop hugging me u little shit

 

**Jesse:** daw, genji you big lug

 

**Genji:** shut up

 

**Hanzo:** fareeha has been quiet for a while

 

**Angela:** she’s asleep

 

**Jesse:** right on me though…

 

**Angela:** don’t you dare move

 

**Jesse:** i think she’s cutting circulation on my left leg though

 

**Genji:** don’t you dare move

 

**Hanzo:** jesse, it’s a crime to wake her up now

 

**Jesse:** i literally can’t feel my leg

 

**Angela:** i can’t feel my butt cheeks so stfu

 

**Genji:** you’re a doctor, fix it

 

**Angela:** i will rip your butt out so you know how much pain i am in

 

**Jesse:** i have to sneeze

 

**Angela:** don’t you dare

 

**Genji:** No!

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse….

 

**Jesse:** I really need to sneeze

 

**Hanzo:** hold it in!

 

**Genji:** don’t do it!

 

**Hanzo:** jesse???

 

**Genji:** Angela did he sneeze?

 

**Angela:** he did….

**Angela:** his leg jumped

**Angela:** he ram his knee in Fareeha’s jaw

**Angela:** she’s bleeding 

**Angela:** oh?

**Angela:** we stopped the car

**Angela:** I’m comforting Fareeha. She is really gushing out a lot of blood

**Angela:** oh shit… i think he accidently knocked out a tooth….

**Angela:** oh fuck...i don’t think it’s a baby tooth

**Angela:** wait

**Angela:** thank god it is a baby tooth

**Angela:** well, good news is that fareeha has officially lost all her baby teeth

 

**Hanzo:** what’s the bad news?

 

**Angela:** ya boyfriend is gonna die

**Angela:** i didn’t correct my mistake with ana before she dragged him off

 

**Genji:** meh, he’ll live

 

XXX

 

**Genji** : where are you guys

 

**Angela** : at the hospital… 

**Angela** : Ana has no mercy…

 

**Fareeha** : Angela won't kiss my wound to make it better!

 

**Angela** : I just watched your mother beat Jesse half to death!

**Angela** : I'm not about to kiss you and give Ana a reason to put me in the bed across from him!

**Angela:** plus you’re 12!!

 

**Fareeha** : what she don't know won't hurt her 

 

**Hanzo** : which hospital?

 

**Angela** : I'll text you the address

**Angela** : only so you can keep Fareeha off me

 

**Hanzo** : we will be right there

 

**Genji** : just give him a cyborg body like mine, he'll be fine

 

**Angela** : I dont have the funds after saving your ungrateful ass

 

**Fareeha** : PLEASE ANGELA

 

**Angela** : omg fine! 

**Angela** : just don't tell your mother!

 

**Fareeha:** yes I kissed Angela! 

 

**Angela** : you little brat!

**Angela** : I was going to kiss your jaw but you moved! 

 

**Fareeha:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/ ¯

 

**Genji:** the real question is, did you enjoy it

 

**Fareeha:** you bet your cyborg ass I did!

 

**Genji** : Angela? 

 

**Angela:** ….

**Angela** : no i did not

 

**Hanzo** : she did

 

**Genji:** she totally did

 

**Fareeha** : if you enjoyed it, will you be my GF?

 

**Angela** : maybe when you are much older Fareeha… 

**Angela** : maybe…

 

**Hanzo** : definitely wasn't a rejection

 

**Fareeha** : good enough for me!

 

**Genji** : can't believe Fareeha lost her last baby tooth and got her first kiss in one day…

 

**Angela** : let's just all agree to keep this quiet 

 

**Genji** : why should we?

 

**Hanzo** : he has a point 

 

**Angela** : well if Ana beats me half to death then who's gonna be there to heal you fucks on our next mission? 

 

**Hanzo** : she has a point

 

**Genji** : very well Angela, we will keep you and Fareeha’s relationship a secret 

 

**Angela** : WE AREN’T IN A RELATIONSHIP 

 

**Fareeha** : yet

 

**Angela** : Fareeha!

 

**Genji:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Hanzo** :  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Jesse** :  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Angela** : JESSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP

 

**Jesse:** and miss all this? 

 

**Angela** : go back to sleep you fucking cowboy….

 

**Jesse** : oh come on

**Jesse** : Angela and Fareeha sitting in a tree

 

**Genji** : K

 

**Hanzo** : I

 

**Jesse** : S

 

**Genji** : S

 

**Hanzo** : I

 

**Jesse** : N

 

**Genji** : G

 

**Hanzo** : first comes love

 

**Jesse** : then comes marriage

 

**Genji** : then comes the baby in a baby carriage 

 

**Angela** : you are all unbelievable…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Part 1, the next part will have the same group but 20 years later, along with the addition of other Overwatch members~~~


	6. A New Set of Gaaays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 20 years later....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS IS WHY IT IS RATED M
> 
> I AM NOT SORRY

**Jesse renamed the group chat as “Cool Kids 2.0”**

 

**Angela:** there is too much deja vu…ana is driving again and we are all back on our phones for this chat

 

**Jesse:** isn’t it great?

 

**Jesse adds Hana, Lena, Lúcio to “Cool Kids 2.0”**

 

**Hana:** WOOOOO ROADTRIP!

 

**Lena:** WOOOOOO

 

**Lúcio:** WOOOOOO

 

**Fareeha:** wow, this brings back so much memories 

 

**Genji:** hey jesse?

 

**Jesse:** oh i know what you are thinking

 

**Genji:** *texts photo*

 

**Hanzo:** you kept that for 20 years???

 

**Angela:** ugh….

 

**Lena:** hahahahahah jesse did lose his arm and Fareeha and Angie are shagging each other all the time!

 

**Jesse:** I’m so proud of my big swoll fareeha

 

**Fareeha:** oh god, did i really say that?

 

**Hana:** you are fucking swoll tho, fareeha

 

**Lúcio:** like damn. You and Zarya scare me sometimes 

 

**Genji:** remembered when Fareeha lost her last baby tooth and had her first kiss with Angela in a span of ten minutes

 

**Hana:** GET IT FAREEHA

 

**Fareeha:** genji shut up

 

**Hanzo:** fareeha was so thirsty for Angela

**Hanzo:** now angela is so thirsty for Fareeha

 

**Jesse:** oh darling, how the tides have changed

 

**Angela:** shut up

 

**Hana:** was that the same trip where Angela played as Elsa?

 

**Angela:** yeah…

 

**Jesse:** fareeha how did you meet Elsa prior her appearance? Was she really sick?

 

**Fareeha:** no comment 

 

**Lena:** what rides do we want to go on first?

 

**Lúcio:** we going to universal first, right?

 

**Angela:** yeah, then Disneyland the next day

 

XXX

 

**Private Message Between Fareeha and Angela**

 

**Angela:** baby im bored

 

**Fareeha:** we have six hours to kill

 

**Angela:** why can’t we fly??

 

**Fareeha:** Winston keeps tabs on our funds.

**Fareeha:** we are lucky that he even lets us go

 

**Angela:** wahhh why aren’t we sitting together???

 

**Fareeha:** jesse literally crammed me into the side of the van

 

**Angela:** sext meeeeee

 

**Fareeha:** want me to send you the video?? ;)

 

**Angela:** yesh

 

**Fareeha:** *texts video*

**Fareeha:** shit!

**Fareeha:** ANGELA BEHIND YOU

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** *texts video*

 

**Fareeha:** HANA U LITTLE SHIT, GIVE ANGELA HER PHONE BACK

 

**Lena:** wooooow angela. Even Emily and I haven’t done that

 

**Genji:** well that explains what you two were doing that night

 

**Hanzo:** goodness hana, did you really have to??

 

**Jesse:** omg it is worth it ahahahah

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** how’s your tush, Angie?

 

**Angela:** shut the fuck up

 

**Hana:** i really did not think you would climb back here and almost kick ana in the face. We could’ve died if Ana wasn’t a decent driver

 

**Hanzo:** this is worse than last time…

 

**Lena:** im dying omg ana went hard on angela

 

**Angela:** shut the fuck up. We are never speaking about this. The video is dead and none of you will talk about it

 

**Hana:** you’re the one who got horny

 

**Angela:** you’re a nosy little shit

 

**Hana:** im your nosy little shit, mom ~~~

 

**Angela:** im not your mom

 

**Hana:** ok noodle head

 

**Fareeha:** we are going to move on now….

 

**Jesse:** that’s right, angela. You’re 37 and you’re still being spanked like an idiot 

 

**Angela:** shut up, jesse

 

**Genji:** question, angela, how the hell were you able to take that entire dildo? It’s like eight inches!

 

**Angela:** WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT IT

 

**Lúcio:** you sent it in chat

 

**Angela:** THAT WAS HANA

 

**Lena:** calm your horny butt, angela

 

**Jesse:** i have to admit, it’s kinda amazing how well angela rode that dildo for a 40 year old woman

 

**Angela:** WE ARE THE SAME AGE

 

**Jesse:** you’re closer to 40

 

**Genji:** does that made Angela a cougar?

 

**Fareeha:** it’s just five years

 

**Hana:** angela is like 40

 

**Angela:** I’m 37, hana….

**Angela:** five years isn’t much

**Angela:** compared to your age difference with your talon gf

 

**Lúcio** : which one are we talking about? 

 

**Hana:** I have two sugar mommas, one is my actual gf and the other is just my sugar momma

 

**Lena:** they are both hella cool

 

**Angela:** what?

 

**Fareeha:** don’t start that California slang…

 

**Lúcio:** one of them gave us a credit card and said we can spend it anyway we want

 

**Jesse:** Can we get fast passes for us all??

 

**Hana:** HELLLL YEEEAAAHHH

 

**Angela:** what sugar momma???

 

**Hana:** you’re too old to have a sugar momma

 

**Angela:** I don’t want one!

**Angela:** what sugar momma?????

 

**Hana:** not telling your horny ass, you might steal one of them

 

**Genji:** can we get all the butterbeer we want?????

 

**Hana:** HELLL YEEAAAH

 

**Hanzo:** can we all get those 50 dollar wands??????

 

**Hana:** hellll yeaaaah!!!

 

**Jesse:** bruh this is going to be the best trip ever

 

**Fareeha:** hana, who are your sugar mommas??? Sombra and..?

 

**Lena:** I’ll give you a hint. One of them has a nice ass

 

**Angela:** widowmaker????

 

**Lúcio:** so you do stare at her ass

 

**Fareeha:** every girl in Overwatch does

 

**Angela:** Widowmaker is your sugar momma?????

 

**Hana:** she’s like royalty, she is loaded

 

**Lena:** heeeellllllaaaa loaded

 

**Lúcio:** along with sombra’s hacking, we have unlimited amount of money

 

**Angela:** where...is sombra hacking the money from?

 

**Hana:** she's like robin hood, she takes from the rich and gives it to me, the poor 

 

**Angela:** hana we are going to have a stern talk about your ‘relationships’

 

**Hana** : I want to talk about your relationship with that dildo

**Hana:** fareeha how the hell do you work that thing?

 

**Fareeha:** we are not talking about it...

 

**Lena:** Widowmaker can easily buy you a place as Elsa again, angela

 

**Angela:** ….

**Angela:** we can talk about your relationship after the trip...hana

 

**Jesse:** yeeeeessssss!!!! Unlimited dole whips!

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** im dying

 

**Lena:** this is hilarious 

 

**Lúcio:** i didn’t think angela and jesse fought like this

 

**Fareeha:** jesse likes bugging Angela for as long as I remember 

 

**Hanzo:** he really doesn’t have to shove his foot into Angela’s doorside…

 

**Genji:** she’s butthurt bc she can’t sit next to Fareeha

 

**Hana:** they’ll just fuck

 

**Fareeha:** no we won’t…

 

**Lena:** you two were sexting, you horny bunnies 

 

**Fareeha:** hana shouldn’t have been looking over her shoulder

 

**Hana:** angela always has the best secrets 

 

**Lúcio:** omg here they come….

 

**Genji:** how are your booties doing?

 

**Angela:** shut the fuck up

 

**Jesse:** now you know how my ass felt 20 years ago, it was worth it this time

 

XXX

 

**Private Message Between Fareeha and Angela**

 

**Fareeha:** how’s your butt?

 

**Angela:** it really hurts ;(((

 

**Fareeha:** i sowwy

 

**Angela:** kiss it bettterr

 

**Fareeha:** as soon as we are alone

 

**Angela:** and locked

 

**Fareeha:** i give you all the smooches you want

 

**Angela:** all the smooches yesss

 

**Fareeha:** we can get cookies and i can baby you when we get to the hotel

 

**Angela:** tummy rubs????

 

**Fareeha:** all that you want

 

**Angela:** butt rubs?

 

**Fareeha:** all that you want

**Fareeha:** hana on your 7th

 

XXX

 

**Lena:** daaaamn angela

 

**Lúcio:** she learns faaast, i didn’t even see her arm move

 

**Jesse:** i can’t believe she elbowed hana

 

**Fareeha:** hana asked for it

 

**Hanzo:** Angela’s butt didn’t

 

**Genji:** this is the third time, im crying

 

**Fareeha:** poor Angie

 

**Jesse:** i have never seen someone get a spanking by ana three times in a row!!!!!

**Jesse:** Omg this is hilarious

 

**Lena:** hana seems to be fine, even though her nose is bleeding

 

**Lúcio:** she’ll be fine, i think she’s getting a kick on what’s happening out there.

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** that was hilarious 

 

**Angela:** Jesse, switch seats with me at the next rest stop.

 

**Jesse:** i am already planning how to get you in trouble for the fourth time. Mark my words. I am going to do it

 

**Fareeha:** why do we text on this chat when we are all in the same time van?

 

**Hana:** bc we are all empty inside and need the validation of our phones through tiny messages sent by other empty souls rather than actually talking to each other in person, where it only spikes our anxiety levels to the extreme, causing our bodies to shut down and break apart, slowly and painfully 

 

**Lena:** truth

 

**Lúcio:** BIG MOOD

 

**Angela:** wtf hana, u good?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trololololololooooooooooooo
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd.


	7. Angela and Jesse, Stop fighting....

**Private message between Angela and Jesse**

 

**Angela:** turn off your fucking music, its 4 am in the morning 

**Angela:** let us sleep in peace

**Angela:** I waited over 7 hours in a car for this penthouse experience 

 

**Jesse:** okay sure

**Jesse:** just remember you asked for it

 

**Angela:** WHY?

**Angela:** IT IS 4AM

 

**Jesse:** oh so you and fareeha can fuck all the time at the base but i can’t give my darling some tender lovin here on this sweetass vacation??

**Jesse:** homophobe

 

**Angela:** are you texting me during this???

**Angela:** and he’s okay with this????

 

**Jesse:** shh he can’t see me from where he’s at

 

**Angela:** oh my god, turn your music back on or stop fucking

 

**Jesse:** oh you want me to turn it on now?

**Jesse:** make up your damn mind

**Jesse:** there happy?

**Jesse:** ???

**Jesse:** oh you got no complaints now?

**Jesse:** bitch if you gonna talk shit, then act like the shit

**Jesse:** square up Angela

**Jesse:** oh now you gonna ignore me now?

**Jesse:** not so tough now huh??

**Jesse:** dick riding little 40 year old bitch

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** what the hell happen to the hallway??? Where are you guys??

 

**Lena:** you slept through that!!!???

 

**Lúcio:** we all woke up from that!!!

 

**Hana:** i was streaming! You know im always in the zone when I stream

 

**Lena:** so you didn’t sleep at all since we got to the penthouse????

 

**Hana:** sleep is for the weak

 

**Genji:** we are at the hospital.

 

**Hana:** what…???

 

**Genji:** angela texted jesse to turn his music off while he was boning my brother.

**Genji:** i guess she was really tired bc she got triggered when jesse called her a ‘dick riding little 40 year old bitch’

**Genji:** she stormed into Jesse’s room and they started fighting

**Genji:** it got so bad that ana had to tranquilize them when hanzo and Fareeha couldn’t separate them

 

**Hanzo:** it was Jesse’s fault. He got triggered so easily

 

**Fareeha:** that seems unlikely of jesse to get triggered 

**Fareeha:** sure jesse and angela fight but it never got this bad

**Fareeha:** but angela shouldn’t have gotten so triggered as well

**Fareeha:** hanzo, I apologize for Angela’s actions

 

**Hanzo:** no fareeha, i apologize for jesse. It’s his fault

 

**Hana:** it’s both of their fault. They act like kids...

 

XXX

 

**Private message between Angela and Jesse**

 

**Jesse:** I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE FOR THE 4TH TIME

**Jesse:** Don’t ignore me, I see you looking at your phone!

**Jesse:** biiiiiiiiiitch u got spanked hard

 

**Angela:** youuuu tooo!!!!!

 

**Jesse:** it was worth it!!!

 

**Angela:** I HOPE YOUR DICK FALLS OFF 

 

**Jesse:** DON’T WORRY, I KNOW HOW TO USE A DILDO

**Jesse:** UNLIKE YOUR 40 YEAR OLD ASS

 

**Angela:** I’m 37!!!!!

**Angela:** we are the same fucking age

 

**Jesse:** dont ya love me?

 

**Angela:** no

 

**Jesse:** yes you doooooo

 

**Angela:** your mom doesn’t love you

 

**Jesse:** how dare you

**Jesse:** I ain’t got no mama!!!!

**Jesse:** your momma doesnt love you!!!

 

**Angela:** my momma died when i was 8!!!!

 

**Jesse:** your daddy don’t love you!

 

**Angela:** my dad died too!!

**Angela:** you ain’t got no dad!

 

**Jesse:** oh bitch it is on!

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** did you guys leave yet?

**Hana:** i thought you guys were bringing home food

 

**Genji:** we never left

 

**Hana:** what….?

 

**Lúcio:** we still here

 

**Lena:** angela and jesse are fighting again

 

**Hana:** oh my god...

 

XXX

 

**Fareeha:** since you two aren’t talking in person, we have to talk here on the group chat

 

**Hanzo:** can you two please be mature adults.

 

**Genji:** like come on, even hanzo and i weren’t this bad and we are actually brothers

 

**Lena:** breakfast is so awkward with you two being pissed at each other.

 

**Jesse:** ill talk if she wants to talk

**Jesse:** I ain’t mad

 

**Hana:** ya’ll ruining my appetite 

 

**Hanzo:** jesse, you have to admit that you went a bit too far with making fun of Angela’s age

**Hanzo:** you two are the same age

 

**Angela:** thank you hanzo

 

**Fareeha:** angela, baby, you didn’t have to bring up the fact that he’s an orphan 

 

**Jesse:** thank you fareeha

 

**Angela:** he didn’t need to remind me that MY PARENTS DIED

 

**Jesse:** AT LEAST YOU HAD PARENTS

 

**Lúcio:** guys chill…..please

 

**Hana:** alright here is what we are going to do.

**Hana:** Jesse, since you pride yourself as a gentleman, please apologize first

**Hana:** then angela, you apologize next 

**Hana:** shake hands, hug, apologize to ana bc i think she has enough of your bullshits

**Hana:** hug her bc that’s your only momma figure you guys currently have. So be grateful to her

**Hana:** then eat your damn eggs and bacon

 

XXX

 

**Private message between Genji and Hana**

 

**Genji** : wow it worked

**Genji:** hana, how come they listen to you?

 

**Hana:** i have one of the best hackers as my gf.

**Hana:** they know that.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** Alright, Angela, I know you are mad still since you locked yourself into you and Fareeha’s room. You have every right to be. I pushed it too far and didn’t stop. We are the same age, I admit that. You are an amazing support to Overwatch. You are always there to heal us and you take so much shit that we are honestly surprised how well you compose yourself. You are always so stressed out these days and I just wanted to return to those days when you and I messed with each other. You know, us being silly and carefree. Remember the time I woke you up at 3 am for pancakes? I wouldn’t do that for anyone else unless it was you, because I always knew you would get pancakes with me at 3 am in the morning. We even got the rest of the gang to join. Remember? Anyways, you’re the closest figure to a sister to me and sometimes I take that for granted. I’m a 35 year old man and my immaturity is way different from when I was 17. I bother you because I just want you to laugh, smile, or just let loose. Obviously I take it too far so I am sorry. Can we go back to being the annoying siblings we are?

 

**Angela:** Did Hanzo ghostwrite this?

 

**Hanzo:** he wrote every single word himself, no help needed

 

**Hana:** we all watched him write this message out like ten times.

 

**Fareeha:** he’s cried over it 10 times too

 

**Angela:** …

 

**Genji:** Angela, I hang with jesse a lot and he has never really done something like this at all. Even when he got Fareeha to poured so much hot sauce into Jack’s coffee and gave him the raspy voice he has now, he didn’t do this for jack

 

**Fareeha:** oh god I remember that.

 

**Genji:** he’s bawling out here and he kept wiping his snot on our shirts…

 

**Lúcio:** he has a fucking poncho, he won’t use it.

 

**Hana:** angela he really means it. Please just accept it. I’m the last victim and i don’t want cowboy snot on me

 

**Hanzo:** I know Jesse can be a pain in the ass but this is honestly one of the most heartfelt apologies he has ever done. Not even for me.

 

**Angela:** Fine. I accept your apology, Jesse. I’m sorry for bringing your origins into this. That was too much, even for me. I should lighten up more and I appreciate your methods. I will admit, it feels great to just let loose.

 

**Fareeha:** Baby watch out, he’s going to break the door down to hug you.

  
**Angela:** CAN SOMEONE TELL JESSE TO MOVE BACK SO I CAN ACTUALLY OPEN IT BC HE IS NOT LISTENING TO ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters will have them at Universal Studios! Hint: Too much fuckery....
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	8. You didn’t hear anything...

**Angela:** It has not even been two minutes and all of you guys are gone!

 

**Fareeha:** I’m right next to you babe.

 

**Angela:** I-I know that baby…

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse dragged me to Harry Potter world

 

**Lena:** Sorry luvs. Hana, Genji, and Lúcio are already heading to the lower area for the Jurassic ride.

 

**Angela:** GENJI CAN’T GO ON THAT RIDE

 

**Genji:** You said i was waterproof when you updated me!!!!

 

**Angela:** I lied…

 

**Genji:** whyyyyyy????

 

**Angela:** I gave that update to Fareeha’s raptora….

 

**Genji:** SHE IS IN THE AIR MOST OF THE TIME. NOT IN WATER AND I ACTUALLY NEEDED THAT FOR THIS RIDE

 

**Fareeha:** well i need it more just in case

 

**Genji:** IN CASE OF WHAT??

 

**Fareeha:** stfu

 

**Genji:** I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT RIDE

 

**Hana:** genji stop looking at your phone and come down the stairs already. We can buy a poncho for you that’ll keep you dry

 

**Genji:** oh. Okay. Thanks hana.

 

XXX

 

**Lena:** so….

**Lena:** we just learn that Lúcio can’t swim

 

**Fareeha:** uh that’s racist….

 

**Hana:** no he said so himself.

**Hana:** as we went down that fall after seeing the t rex up close.

 

**Lena:** He literally screams, “I can’t fucking swim!” As we went down the fall

 

**Fareeha:** he did know there’s a fall, right?

 

**Hana:** nope

 

**Fareeha:** did you guys tell him????

 

**Lena:** lol no, we told him there was a little dip, that’s all

 

**Fareeha:** omg….

 

**Angela:** Why do we need to know this??

 

**Hana:** bc Lena and I are out of the ride but we are watching the ride attendants trying to get Lúcio out of the ride

**Hana:** He won’t get out, he’s literally frozen in the same spot

**Hana:** i think he peed himself...

 

**Angela:** what happen to genji…??

 

**Lena:** the poncho didn’t work well so he’s frozen too

**Lena:** so where are you guys at?

 

**Fareeha:** we are watching the animal show.

 

**Hana:** well come down here and help us. There are a lot of pissed off people

 

**Angela:** after they show the fluffy owls

 

**Lena:** how long is that?

 

**Angela:** idk the show just started

 

**Lena:** come down now

 

**Angela:** no

 

**Hana:** please

 

**Angela:** i want to see fluffy owls

 

**Fareeha:** and i want to see if i can participate in the bird fetching thing

 

**Angela:** Fareeha wants to do that and I intend on making sure my baby gets pick for it

 

**Hana:** what is with you two and birds?

 

**Angela:** birds are awesome

 

**Lena:** they poop a lot

 

**Fareeha:** when they aren’t, they’re awesome

 

**Hana:** debatable

 

**Angela:** bunnies shit a lot

 

**Hana:** at least it’s solid, unlike bird’s nasty diarrhea 

 

**Angela:** birds eat bunnies

 

**Hana:** true but birds are fucking murderous little shits

**Hana:** there’s a bird that literally has the name vampire in it’s name

**Hana:** that’s creepy af

 

**Angela:** how else do you think i look so beautiful at age 37??

 

**Hana:** Botox.

 

**Angela:** sleep with one eye open tonight...

 

**Lena:** Are we really having this convo?

 

**Jesse:** Omg Hanzo and I missed a lot ahahahha

 

**Hanzo:** We can come down and help you guys

 

**Hana:** THANK YOU

 

**Hanzo:** thank you for letting us use your card to buy everyone a 50 dollar wand

 

**Hana:** thank my sugar mamas :)

 

**Lena:** the ride attendants are ready to tear genji apart.

**Lena:** please hurry...

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** why did i hear a child crying about a crazy blonde woman threatening the animal trainer to pick the buff woman in the animal show??

 

**Angela:** I have no idea what you are talking about.

 

**Fareeha:** the birdie took my dollar. It was sooo cute

 

**Angela:** I’m so glad you got picked, baby

 

**Hanzo:** I just heard another child crying about a mean pretty blonde lady threatening to shove a staff up the animal trainer’s ass if they didn’t pick the brown hair lady

 

**Angela:** kids have such interesting imagination

**Angela:** aw did the kid really say pretty?

 

**Jesse:** you sure you have nothing to do with it???

 

**Angela:** i am sure.

**Angela:** where are you guys at?

 

**Jesse:** I let Hana, Lena, and Lúcio go on the mummy ride while Hanzo and I try to fix Genji

 

**Angela:** oh? So Lúcio is okay?

 

**Hanzo:** after he cried for like ten minutes about pissing his pants

**Hanzo:** luckily it’s sunny out so we told him he’ll dry up and be fine

**Hanzo:** then they left.

 

**Angela:** so it’s just genji that’s still needs my assistance?

 

**Hanzo:** yeah

 

**Angela:** meh….

**Angela:** fareeha and i are already in line for the tram ride

 

**Jesse:** what do we do with genji?

 

**Angela:** oh sorry im boarding byyyeeee

 

**Jesse:** um you can still text on that ride???

**Jesse:** Angela?

**Jesse:** angela just pick up your phone for 5 mins…

**Jesse:** someone ain’t going to get their wand….

 

**Angela:** no wait! I want one

**Angela:** just shake him every so often until the water is all clear from his body and he should be fine

 

**Hanzo:** you could’ve just said that in the first place!

 

XXX

 

**Jesse changed the group name to “Angela, bail us all out”**

 

**Angela:** well this is deja vu….

 

**Fareeha:** what did you guys do?

 

**Jesse:** where are you guys? 

 

**Fareeha:** we’re on the escalator down to the lower levels

**Fareeha:** What’s with the title?

 

**Jesse:** we all in the park’s jail

 

**Angela:** how?

 

**Hana:** we threw genji over the rail

**Hana:** the one that overlooks the warner brother studio area

 

**Angela:** ……

 

**Fareeha:** …..did you guys just commit murder???

 

**Hanzo:** Genji died once so he’ll live

 

**Lena:** it was worth it...tbh

 

**Angela:** what did you guys do?

 

**Lúcio:** We were playing passing the genji ball

 

**Angela:** what

**Angela:** glad you’re okay Lúcio 

 

**Lúcio:** thaaanks

**Lúcio:** anyways, jesse and hanzo took him apart to dry

 

**Jesse:** we didn’t know how to put him back together

 

**Lena:** so we stuffed him in a bag so we could carry him.

 

**Hana:** we ended up playing catch with him

 

**Lena:** and we accidently threw him over the railing

 

**Angela:** ….

 

**Hana:** i called my meka to grab him

**Hana:** i blew up a huge section of the wall on accident

 

**Fareeha:** well that explains the missing floor chunks on our way down

 

**Angela:** please tell me you didn’t kill anyone…

 

**Hana:** Lena just recalled like crazy

 

**Lena:** so no one was hurt

 

**Lúcio:** i help heal everyone 

 

**Angela:** we’re getting a lawsuit….

 

**Hana:** sombra is already threatening the company not to sue overwatch with some blackmail

 

**Angela:** nevermind then

 

**Hana:** btw i heard one of the guard saying something about a blonde lady beating up a minion bc it ‘got too close to the handsome lady’

**Hana:** was that you angela?

 

**Angela:** no comment

  
**Fareeha:** awww they think i am handsome???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey...did you know Widowmaker is a fucking savage? You’ll see in the next chapter!


	9. Spider vs Angel

**Angela:** I have a problem…

 

**Jesse:** sorry, Hanzo and I are in line to watch the shrek show

 

**Hana:** I’m running off to my gf for a bit

 

**Hanzo:** Sombra is here??

 

**Hana:** yep so toodles~~

 

**Lena:** Lúcio, Genji, and I are going to check out Harry Potter world now

 

**Angela:** I have a really big problem….

 

**Genji:** THANKS FOR HELPING YOU 40 YEAR OLD SHIT

 

**Angela:** oh glad you seem to be better

 

**Genji:** YOU KNOW THE FEELING OF A THOUSAND NEEDLES PRICKLING IN YOUR LEG IF YOU CUT CIRCULATION OR IT FALLS ASLEEP?

**Genji:** IMAGINE THAT ON YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BODY

 

**Angela:** I did warn you not to go on that ride

**Angela:** but i do have a legit problem

 

**Lena:** what is it Angie?

**Lena:** it sounds serious….

 

**Angela:** so i just learn that Lúcio is not the only one who can’t swim….

 

**Lúcio:** Is Fareeha okay????

 

**Angela:** um...idk?

 

**Lena:** Angie what happen??

 

**Angela:** so fareeha and i got on the ride…

**Angela:** she went missing before we went down the fall…

 

**Lena:** she went missing?

**Lena:** are you telling me she slipped out of the ride???

 

**Genji:** she’s a buff woman...how did she get out??

 

**Angela:** idk but when the ride came down the fall, she wasn’t next to me…

 

**Lena:** what does this have to do with Fareeha not being able to swim?

 

**Angela:** before we dropped, she scream that she can’t swim.

 

**Genji:** I THOUGHT YOU WOULD KNOW THAT SINCE YOU GAVE HER THE WATERPROOF UPGRADE AND NOT ME WHEN I ASKED

 

**Angela:** i didn’t make the connection…..

 

**Genji:** some gf you are…..

 

**Angela:** i thought she didn’t want her armor to get rusty or something 

 

**Genji:** You are dumb….

 

**Angela:** She isn’t answering my calls and i know she’s still in the building of the ride

 

**Lena:** okay, Angie, we’ll come down to help

 

**Angela:** thank you

 

**Genji:** OH BUT WHEN I AM FROZEN, SHE DIDN’T HELP ME. BUT WHEN SHE NEEDS HELP, WE COME DOWN FOR HER

 

**Jesse:** yes. We will be down Angie

 

**Genji:** unbelievable…...

 

**Hana** : it's cause no one likes you genji

**Hana:** btw I ain’t leaving tho

 

**Angela:** good i don’t want you here anyways

 

**Hana:** don’t guilt trip me mom

 

**Angela:** I’m not your mom

 

**Hana:** ….

 

**Hana added Sombra to group chat “Angela bail us all out”**

 

**Sombra:** I’ll be your mom, hana

 

**Angela:** NOW IS REALLY NOT THE TIME

**Angela:** I AM PANICKING AND ALSO WANT TO GIVE A LECTURE AT THE SAME TIME 

 

**Sombra:** oh yeah you need to look for your mommy. ;)))

 

**Angela kicked out Sombra to group chat “Angela bail us all out”**

 

**Hana:** she can just hack her way in again

 

**Angela:** I REALLY DON’T CARE RIGHT NOW

 

**Hana:** ok ok, sombra and i will come down for you

**Hana:** i would be scared if sombra went missing during a ride

 

**Sombra:** at least i can swim

 

**Jesse:** oh shit...she really can hack….

 

**Hana:** um...duh???

 

**Fareeha:** GUYS WHERE ARE YOU?

 

**Angela:** where are you????!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** IDK IT’S DARK AND THERE’S SCREAMING DINOSAURS IN HERE

 

**Lena:** wow she is still in there….

 

**Hana:** sombra is already figuring out a way to control the cameras in the building to take pictures

 

**Angela:** I WANT TO SAVE HER, NOT HUMILATE HER

 

**Hana:** no she’s doing it to see where she is, angela

**Hana:** calm your tits

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** Sooooo what did we learn today???

 

**Hanzo:** why are we texting in the chat, we are all in the same car…

 

**Hana:** i don’t want ana to hear what we did….

 

**Hanzo:** oh….

 

**Lena:** Fareeha and Lúcio can’t swim

 

**Lúcio:** my friends lied to me about the Jurassic not having a big fall

 

**Jesse:** Hana and Sombra are huge transformer nerds...

 

**Angela:** fareeha why didn’t you tell me that you have a water phobia?

 

**Fareeha:** bc i thought you would think im a wuss

 

**Hana:** i think it’s more wussy to have not told your gf….

 

**Angela:** oh fareeha, i wouldn’t baby

 

**Hana:** yet you didn’t make the connection…..

 

**Jesse:** tbh, none of us knew that fareeha had this fear

 

**Genji:** I DID WHEN ANGELA SAID SHE GAVE THE WATERPROOF UPGRADE TO FAREEHA

 

**Lena:** shut up genji.

 

**Sombra:** god this chat is hilarious 

 

**Jesse:** how did you get in when you aren’t in the chat???

 

**Sombra:** I’m a hacker??????

 

**Hanzo:** sorry, jesse had too many butterbeers

 

**Sombra:** is this what you usually do when you guys are in the car?

 

**Lúcio:** yeah. Where are you btw??

 

**Sombra:** widow sent me a helicopter to take me back to talon

**Sombra:** btw widow says to buy her a churro from Disneyland tomorrow 

 

**Hana:** okie!

 

**Jesse:** can she not buy one somewhere else????

 

**Sombra:** she wants one from Disneyland

 

**Lúcio:** Why???

 

**Sombra:** want to ask her?

 

**Sombra added Widowmaker to group chat “Angela bail us all out”**

 

**Hana:** Hi sugar momma!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Hello my little bunny~ 

 

**Lena:** Hi Hana’s sugar momma~~~thanks for the money

 

**Lúcio:** Hiiiii, Thanks for letting us have 50 dollar wands

 

**Widowmaker:** Of course Hana’s weird friends. Also I want churro from Disneyland.

 

**Jesse:** Why???

 

**Widowmaker:** It tastes better. Don’t question me.

 

**Jesse:** What if i want to…??

 

**Angela:** we’ll get your damn churro Widowmaker.

 

**Widowmaker:** Thank you, Dr. Ziegler. You must like me.

 

**Hana:** lol gay

 

**Angela:** You’re welcome, Widowmaker, and I don’t like you.

 

**Widowmaker:** I’ve seen you stare at my rear.

 

**Angela:** So does everyone else

 

**Fareeha:** agreeed

 

**Lena:** uh huh

 

**Hanzo:** me too

 

**Jesse:** me three

 

**Hanzo:** me four

 

**Genji:** me five..

 

**Lúcio:** me six

 

**Angela:** it’s hard not to stare when your ass crack is showing through. Seriously, how do you not pick at that uncomfortable wedgie...

 

**Widowmaker:** You are just jealous that my rear is so much better than yours.

 

**Angela:** um no…????

 

**Widowmaker:** Okay Dr. 40 Year Old Sagging Buttocks.

 

**Fareeha:** oh god….

 

**Hana:** i….am...laughing so hard…..ahhhhhh

 

**Fareeha:** for the record, Angela has a very nice tush

 

**Angela:** THANK YOU FAREEHA MY LOVE

 

**Lena:** okay but widow’s is better

 

**Lúcio:** agreed

 

**Jesse:** I DIDN’T KNOW WIDOWMAKER COULD BE SAVAGE

 

**Genji:** THIS IS WORTH ALL THE PAIN I ENDURED TODAY

 

**Sombra:** Widow, be careful. The Dr. is going to chase after you on missions now

 

**Widowmaker:** Go ahead. Let her run on those cankles.

 

**Angela:** BITCH I WANT YOU TO COME DOWN TO LA AND FIGHT ME LIKE A TRUE LADY YOU PURPLE PEPE

 

**Lúcio:** don’t insult Pepe like that….

 

**Widowmaker:** Maybe I will, Dr. Ziegler. I want to get a closer look at your crow’s feet.

 

**Angela:** COME FIGHT ME YOU HUSBAND MURDERER

 

**Widowmaker:** I mean, that’s just a fact. That’s all you have? How sad. I guess I’ll fight against you, old hag.

 

**Angela:** I AM NOT AN OLD HAG

 

**Widowmaker:** I feel sorry for Fareeha, doing so much work on that dildo and you couldn’t do much except sit there like it was some kind of rocking chair. I can ride that dildo much better than you can.

 

**Fareeha:** oooookayyyy this is getting weird…

 

**Angela:** I CAN RIDE THAT DILDO BETTER THAN YOU CAN ACTUAL HIT HEADSHOTS. AT LEAST I DON’T MISS MY OWN G SPOT

 

**Widowmaker:** Ouch, that did sting a little. 

 

**Sombra:** so can we go to LA?

 

**Widowmaker:** Yeah, I want to see if Angela is actually alive.

 

**Angela:** DSAKHSKHFKHFFIHASKHKALSHGKARKK

 

**Genji:** Don’t you guys have to work or something?

 

**Widowmaker:** Unlike you guys, I am actually decent at my job and sometimes I get to do what I want.

 

**Fareeha:** Um...you guys lose to us all the time

 

**Widowmaker:** That’s why I said ‘I’.

 

**Lena:** no offense luv, you kinda suck at headshots

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh? That reminds me to send my regard to Mondatta.

 

**Lena:** i kinda want to insult her for that but she is Hana’s sugar momma….and i really want us all to get rainbow micky ears….

 

**Jesse:** WHY HASN’T SOMBRA AND WIDOWMAKER JOIN THIS CHAT SOONER OMG IM DYING

 

**Widowmaker:** I agree. I didn’t think it would be entertaining in making fun of Angela’s aging state. Ever since Sombra showed me that video, I always wonder how she was even breathing after all that. I expected her to grab her oxygen tank.

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** omg 

 

**Sombra:** hey what happen? You guys were offline for a while.

 

**Hana:** angela broke her window with her own fist

 

**Widowmaker:** Huh? I guess she does have a bit of life in her.

 

**Jesse:** widowmaker please stay on this chat!!!!

**Jesse:** Ana kicked Angela out of the car, in the middle of traffic, and spanked her hahahahahahahaha

 

**Widowmaker:** How gross. I don’t want to imagine an old hag spanking an old hag.

 

**Angela:** FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME FIGHT ME

 

**Widowmaker:** My mother has always told me to not beat up old women.

 

**Angela:** HHFKHSLKFHIWHGILHKLGHWKLJRHGKEHKLHGIHRGIHRI

 

**Widowmaker:** You sure text like one.

 

**Fareeha:** pls stop..my mom already threaten angela that she’ll walk the rest of the way…..

 

**Widowmaker** : It would do her old bones some good.

 

**Lena:** oh...there she goes…

 

**Lúcio:** it’s a long walk back…

 

**Hana:** I’m just glad Ana stopped her before Angela broke the other window….

 

**Angela:** WIDOWMAKER I WILL FUCIN MRUDER YOUR BITCHING ASS U SKONFKSJHFKAHAERUAGIHEHILHKHKLASK

 

**Widowmaker:** I only read ‘bitching ass’ and I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you Dr. Wrinkle Tits.

 

**Lúcio:** please stop im laughing so hard my tummy hurts

 

**Hana:** How sweet of Fareeha to walk with her though. That’s true love.

 

**Widowmaker:** Of course, Fareeha would help walk an elderly to cross the road.

 

**Jesse:** omg please stop my stomach hurts so much from laughing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....k bye.....
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	10. The last trip

**Angela renamed the group chat as “Fight me, blue Pepe”**

 

**Widowmaker:** I’ve been waiting for a while. Where are you guys?

 

**Hana:** We just got here. We’re trying to find parking

 

**Sombra:** I see that on my radar. Why were you guys stuck in one spot for two hours near the freeway??

 

**Lúcio:** Angela and Jesse were fighting.

 

**Widowmaker:** For 2 hours?

 

**Genji:** We were making bets in the car

 

**Lena:** Everyone except Fareeha betted against Angela.

 

**Widowmaker:** I expect so, an old lady can’t beat me.

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse wanted to help Angela at least.

 

**Widowmaker:** Won’t do her much.

 

**Fareeha:** He just sang that 80s workout montage song as he pushed Angela to do a lot of pushups.

 

**Widowmaker:** For two hours? All of that?

 

**Lena:** yep!

 

**Widowmaker:** That’s….useless.

 

**Lena:** The 80s were a badass time, don’t underestimate it

 

**Angela:** bitch u better watch out

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh don’t worry, I can see fine, thank you very much.

 

**Jesse:** Sombra, I have 200 dollars against Angela. Want to join?

 

**Sombra:** I’ll throw 100 in the pot

 

**Hana:** Nicceeeee

 

**Fareeha:** You guys are putting way too much faith in Widowmaker.

 

**Lúcio:** You’re just mad that no one is on Angela’s side.

 

**Fareeha:** bc I know Angela is going to win.

 

**Angela:** THANK YOU FAREEHA MY LADY LOVE

 

**Hana:** ugh gay.

 

**Widowmaker:** Well, Sombra and I are waiting by the Ferris Wheel so hurry up.

 

**Jesse:** You wanna join in the bet?

 

**Widowmaker:** Fine. I’ll throw in 4 grands in there.

 

**Genji:** a fucking what????

 

**Hanzo:** 4 grand, you idiot. That’s 4k.

 

**Genji:** I know….god….leave me alone

 

**Hana:** Oh hell yeah!!!

 

**Lena:** Cheeriioooo!!!!

 

**Lúcio:** It’s about to go down!!!!

 

**Jesse:** Alright then, that’s 4300 in the pot.

**Jesse:** Fareeha, you gotta put something in there

 

**Fareeha:** I’m not betting on my gf. I know she will win.

 

**Jesse:** You need to contribute or else the bet is off and we declare widowmaker the winner

 

**Fareeha:** That’s how it works???

 

**Hana:** totallly, just accept it

 

**Fareeha:** I’ll make it even. I’ll throw 700 bucks in

 

**Angela:** Now it’s on!!

 

**Hanzo:** Ok, I know overwatch doesn’t pay us enough to even hold 100 dollars…

**Hanzo:** How do you have that much money on you???

 

**Fareeha:** No comment.

 

**Angela:** My baby has got my back!!

 

**Sombra:** Why are you guys still circling the parking lot??? Ana missed like 10 available spaces

 

**Fareeha:** she’s picky.

 

**Widowmaker:** She’s half blind, I took her eye out.

**Widowmaker:** How does she drive with one eye?

 

**Angela:** excuse me, that’s my future mother in law that you’re talking about

 

**Widowmaker:** How does it feel that you’re the same age as her?

 

**Fareeha:** Um? They’re not???

 

**Angela:** You want to talk shit, Widow? Then i hope you can fight like the shit.

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m sure your granny diapers smell like one too.

 

**Angela:** I wear Victoria secret thongs, thank you very much

 

**Fareeha:** and they look great on her!

 

**Hana:** Ugh, i don’t need that imagine in my head

 

**Sombra:** Ana just missed a perfectly great parking spot!!!

 

**Lena:** She didn’t want the van next to the small car. She was afraid our car might block their vision when they back out

 

**Sombra:** Really? That really matters???

 

**Widowmaker:** She drives like an old woman.

 

**Fareeha:** That’s my mother you’re talking about.

 

**Widowmaker:** I know. She drives like an old lady.

 

**Fareeha:** …

**Fareeha:** I’m adding a grand to the pot.

 

**Jesse:** That’s 6k now!

 

**Hanzo:** Where the fuck are you getting this money????

 

**Fareeha:** No comment.

 

**Sombra:** she actually has it??

 

**Genji:** She pulled out her wallet and took out so many green bills!!!!

 

**Lúcio:** Widow, you have to win!!! We split 5k among us.

 

**Hana:** That’s like 700 bucks for all of us, give or take

 

**Sombra:** Tell Ana that there’s a fucking space right on her left!!! Can she just park already???

 

**Lúcio:** She doesn’t like that one. Too sunny.

 

**Sombra:** omfg…..

 

XXX

 

**Genji:** Jesse, where are you and my bro?

 

**Jesse:** Hanzo and I are in line for small small world

 

**Hana:** But angela and widowmaker are getting into costume…

 

**Lena:** You don’t want to see that?

 

**Jesse:** as much as i want to see angela fight, i thought - since im holding the pot- that i step back and just wait for the results.

**Jesse:** that way i can protect the money and no trickery will come across it

 

**Lúcio:** That’s stupid 

 

**Hanzo:** I wanted to go on small small world

 

**Hana:** You could’ve just said that….instead of making such a bullshit excuse…

 

**Lena:** oh whatever, we will keep you posted 

 

**Genji:** is Disneyland really just going to let two women in costume actually brawl it out in their park

 

**Sombra:** i blackmailed them

 

**Hanzo:** with what?

 

**Sombra:** *texts image*

 

**Genji:** ….

 

**Hana:** omfg that is disgusting 

 

**Lena:** oh, there goes the churros i ate

 

**Lúcio:** those were for Widowmaker!!!!

 

**Lena:** we’ll just buy her more

 

**Hanzo:** i am never endorsing or interacting with anything Disney after this trip….

 

**Jesse:** that is just nasty….

 

**Lena:** can you get that off the chat or something?

 

**Sombra removed image from group chat “Fight me, blue Pepe”**

 

**Sombra:** you’re welcome

 

**Jesse:** fuck you.

 

**Lúcio:** I know companies have a dark side but that was just morbid….

 

**Hana:** oh, angela and widowmaker just came out.

**Hana:** angela is wearing an Elsa costume and widowmaker is wearing an Anna costume

 

**Jesse:** Why?

 

**Lena:** we asked and fareeha said no comment 

 

**Genji:** i bet that was her first words

 

**Hanzo:** i wouldnt be surprised if fareeha was into some kinky shit

 

**Hana:** oh i know and angela is always in for it

 

**Sombra: *texts video***

 

**Hanzo:** fuck you

 

**Genji:** why did i click on it….

 

**Lena:** we were all curious

 

**Lúcio:** curse our naive curiosity 

 

**Jesse:** you are all far from naive…

 

**Genji:** why do you two hack into angela and Fareeha’s private files???

 

**Hana:** blackmail

 

**Sombra:** bc its fun when i hack them

 

**Genji:** tbh, i never thought fareeha would be a power bottom

 

**Lena:** did you think she’s strictly a top???

 

**Lúcio:** with her guns? If i had her arm strength, i would be a stone top too

 

**Lena:** ….this is why you two are single

 

**Hana:** It’s starting!!!

 

**Jesse:** what’s happening

 

**Genji:** omg…

 

**Lena:** NOOOOOO

 

**Lúcio:** this has to be a joke

 

**Hanzo:** what’s happening???

 

**Hana:** Angela swung a punch into Widowmaker’s face…

 

**Jesse:** and???

 

**Lena:** she’s not getting up….

 

**Lúcio:** i think angela won….

 

**Jesse:** funny joke guys

**Jesse:** that’s real funny

 

**Sombra:** dude, they arent’ lying…

**Sombra:** *texts photo*

 

**Jesse:** ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING MEEE??

 

**Hana:** ANGELA BEAT WIDOWMAKER IN ONE HIT

 

**Jesse:** IT HAS BARELY BEEN LIKE A MINUTE

 

**Genji:** OMG…

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse come back!! We were next in line to get on

 

**Jesse:** sorry darling, i have to see this for myself!!!!!

 

**Lena:** fareeha and angela just won 5k????

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** Widowmaker where are you????

 

**Widowmaker:** Infirmary. I don’t recall how I got here...

 

**Jesse:** WHAT THE FUCK WIDOW????? WE LOST OUR CHANCE FOR 6k

 

**Lena:** Jesse, why aren’t you holding the pot??

 

**Jesse:** oh shit!!!

 

**Lúcio:** Where is it??? We just saw you ran by us with it

 

**Genji:** you were just holding it???? Right?????

 

**Angela:** A HUGE THANK YOU FOR ALL OF MY HATERS U FUCKTARDS

 

**Fareeha:** FUCK YOU, HANA. FUCK YOU, GENJI. FUCK YOU LÚCIO. FUCK YOU LENA. FUCK YOU SOMBRA. FUCK YOU WIDOW. FUCK YOU JESSE. You’re cool, Hanzo.

 

**Hanzo:** Oh thank goodness.

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** What have we all learned today as we enjoy this lovely car ride back to the hotel?

 

**Jesse:** shut the fuck up.

 

**Lena:** Lesbian are fucking strong af

 

**Genji:** terrifyingly strong

 

**Lúcio:** and they are unfair.

 

**Hanzo:** Speak for yourself.

 

**Angela:** How are you guys enjoying your lame van?

 

**Fareeha:** This limo is pretty damn stylin 

 

**Genji:** How come you let Hanzo join you???

 

**Hanzo:** it’s the hair

 

**Angela:** nah he’s the most chill out of all of you

 

**Sombra:** honestly, im not mad. I just put 100 buck in

 

**Widowmaker:** AT LEAST YOU DIDN’T WASTE 4K

 

**Lena:** why are you complaining?? You have a lot of money anyways 

 

**Widowmaker:** It’s the reason why I lost it that hurts more.

 

**Angela:** Say it, widowmaker. Fucking say it.

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re a Greek Goddess of Victory, you beautiful angel of the heavens.

 

**Fareeha:** And me?

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re the Queen of the Skies, proud warrior of Anubis, sky bird woman.

 

**Hana:** wtf is this?

 

**Lúcio:** I don’t want to question it….

 

**Jesse:** We are never going on a vacation together ever again.

 

**Angela:** idk, Fareeha, Hanzo, and I are already planning a road trip to Yosemite, wanna come jesse?

 

**Jesse:** yes…

 

**Hana:** can we come?

  
**Angela:** No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is it, my fuckery readers. I hope to do another one to unleash the fuckery. Until then, let fuckery make continue to make you laugh.
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it, let me know so I can continue the fuckery.
> 
> Comment
> 
> Kudo
> 
> If you have any suggestions on what kind of things they should do at Disneyland, let me know! I want this to be a fun, light, and ‘shits and giggles’ type of reading.


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